We all know that umpires are not immortal. Any hockey team worth its salt has a responsibility to keep its umpires alive for 70 minutes every Saturday (what they do in half time is up to them). With that in mind, to safeguard the physical and mental wellbeing of our umpires, the W8s took an executive decision to play in a less “boring” way this week. They did not disappoint: two players received green cards, and three injectors were sent to the half-way line during penalty corners.

First, though, we need to talk about Alice. Having declared last week that there could never be too many Fionas, it seems that there very much can be too many Alices, and so the arrival of Young Alice was felt keenly by Old Alice, who never dreamt that, at 22 years old, she would be granted the distinction of that title. Maybe it was playing on her mind; but in the second half she decided to take a little trip to the bench for two minutes, to unselfishly give Young Alice her chance to shine.

The more experienced players in the team were very welcoming to all the shiny youngsters, two of whom (Sophia and YA) were playing senior hockey for the very first time. As their legs and lungs still work, they were allocated the midfield line and all acquitted themselves brilliantly.

Goal-wise, there wasn’t much to talk about because our forwards were just warming up their goalie for most of the match... until the 50th minute, when disaster struck and Bishops Stortford scored against the run of play. But within a minute we had one back courtesy of Amelie; and then Fi made it 2-1.

Once we’d made our way back through the bewildering fence and gate system of Shawshank College, it was time for teas. The youngsters’ respectful discussion about the inclinations of their school teachers caused much amusement. YA received the most POM votes, while her mum and Rosie’s dad vied for the new ‘Spectator of the Match’ award. Nice try, but when Tommy gets back, you two’ll have to up your game.

Next week we’re at home at 10.30 v WGC.