It was the famous St Albans - St Evenage derby, and selection went awry at the last minute with GK bedridden (get well soon, Emily). The decision was made to play 11 on the pitch and no GK.

Despite this setback, with not one but two Fionas playing, the team was ready for anything (as someone once said, you can never have too many Fionas). The first half was fairly uneventful, except for a loud bird imitating the sound of a whistle. In the second half, a sequence of passes ended with one Fiona passing to the other, who scored on her debut. Well done to that Fiona - you can come again.

Shortly afterwards, Stevenage scored to level things up 1-1. A St Albans goal was disallowed and one of the Fionas was warned by an opposition player and secret off-duty umpire spy that she would face a disciplinary procedure if she continued to complain. It later conspired that her boss plays for us, so we’ll see how that works out for her on Monday morning. An classic Fi-Lou short corner special beat the GK to make it 2-1.

But a minute before the end of the game, disaster struck. Oh no! A Stevenage goal attempt was saved by a St Albans foot on the line, and a penalty flick was awarded. Heidi used her righteous anger for the good of the team and bravely put on the GK helmet but alas! The equaliser was scored. Crikey, what a thrilling and dramatic end to the match… or so we thought…

In the car park, two of our players were told in no uncertain terms by a Stevenage umpire that he had “nearly died of boredom watching the match”. We all wish him well and hope that he survives the weekend.

And so the dull W8s made their way home full of 80s biscuits and one yawnsome point. Next week, we will try our utmost to keep the umpire alive*, at Bishop’s Stortford 12.30 (away).

* if there are any umpires who've officiated the W8s in the past, we have set up a helpline (0800 888888) in case they have nearly died of boredom. For future umpires, we will of course provide life insurance.