The W8s were wondering, on the way to play top-of-the-league Rickmansworth, which was the one team in our league who had managed to beat them. Hold that thought….

The magnificent surroundings of the Royal Masonic School for Girls, founded in 1788 by Chevalier Ruspini, in 300 acres of beautiful Hertfordshire parkland where nature, fresh air, grass and trees surround its exceptional buildings and facilities, with its luxury infinity pitch and nice loos, was the scene of our “fun annihilation”, the score of which will not be mentioned. But the Ricky players were good sports, keeping Becky busy, borrowing our inhalers, and not celebrating too much when they scored, again, and again, and again.

And again.

The somewhat battered defence did their best but couldn’t keep up with their Number 1 player, who was faster and more skilful than the rest of us put together. And again. Sarah even went as far as to try and save a goal with her “tough chin”, which resulted in a flick and another goal. And again. Jackie, Player of the Match for the very first time in her life, had a great game, and she gets to spend time with Daisy for a whole month over the festive period. And again.

We had a few chances up the other end, but nothing that their goalie was overly worried about. It was, frankly, a massive relief when the final whistle went and it was time for the main event: teas. The Golden Duck was a trad cricket pavilion type building, with charming wooden panelling and that lovely dank smell of sweaty, sporty people. The only downside was that, due to the cost of living crisis, the heating wasn't on. However, they served excellent pizza, even catering for the vegan in our team who rudely hadn’t turned up for teas so we had to eat it out of politeness, which confirmed to all of us that a) we definitely never wanted to be vegans and b) that ‘vegan cheese’ has an unpleasant aftertaste which no amount of shandy can negate. And c) that we’re too polite (except for Alice).

Chatting with the victors, we wished them a Happy Christmas and said we’d see them next year for the return game, when they informed us they’d already been to St Albans, for the first game of the season, when we’d beaten them 3-1. Ta-da - WE were the only team in the league to beat them! Oops.

And so the W8s headed home, with no points, to face that dreaded time of year: for some, a lonely reminder of what it is to be without friends or family; for some, a time of piling on the pounds by not moving off the sofa; for some, weekends stretching in front of them endlessly with nothing to do… a whole month without hockey matches.

The W8s with the biggest brains represented our team well at the Christmas Party Quiz, aiming for and achieving mid-table mediocrity in fourth place. On Monday we’re wigging off training to play pickleball at Westminster Lodge, and then we’ll see each other again on 6th January to play Broxbourne.

Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year to all W8s and anyone else who bothers to read this match report!