St Albans Hockey Club

Mens 6s (Citizens)

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Key information

Captain	Brian Weston
Telephone No.	+44 7881 583413
Vice Captain	Jon Pike
League	London League 8

 

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Citizens End of Season Report and AWARDS…

The end of season finale with Harpenden was not quite the cherry the Citizen’s were looking for on their sizeable Chelsea bun of a season. A 3-1 loss cemented their third place position in the Div 8 league although with it they secured promotion to Div7 next season.

A very strong Harpenden team with skilful youngsters and a couple of older heads who would be suited to a much higher standard of hockey put the Citizen’s through their paces. Bolton returned to the goal tending duties and like a buy one get one free offer made some super saves for the team keeping the score respectable.

In defence, Syd was sporting a new funky pair of hockey shoes and a glowing orange hockey stick which seemed to learn the trade pretty quickly as he battled a fast and skilful right winger. Weston marshalled the defence with his flowing locks and dislike of pork. And the Rink a Dink Pink Panther made the jump up from right back to central defence rather well. Like set of supermarket shelves complete with promotional banners and drilled, then concreted into the floor he gave a solid display.

At right back the Reltmeister Heron, Lord of the Internet, performed skilfully and Rodge the Dodge came in at right back to add some pancaking, tulip growing flair to the backline.

In midfield we welcomed John from the Centurions to the team who patrolled the left flank like Pamela Anderson patrolling near Tower 42 on Miami Beach. Actually, not at all like that but wouldn’t it have been good if he had been? He does look hot in one piece red swimming costume though.

Pikey dragged his fat butt around the centre of midfield and conspired to set up Blakely for his tenth goal of the season and the one score the Citizen’s managed to make on the day. He looks nothing like Pamela Anderson either.

Steve took the right midfield position and had arguably his best game for the Citizens. Tackling well and, as if he’d swallowed a load of laxatives before the game, he passed the ball with ease.

Up front Alex marauded on the right wing getting himself into a couple of good goal scoring opportunities which the keeper thwarted. Like Bambi on Ice he still managed to slide around and an international campaign has been set up to lobby his mum to get him some hockey shoes for next season. The campaign is headed by former Spice Girl Geri Haliwell, David Attenborough and Heather Mills McCartney who’s said to be hopping mad about the situation. The campaign is called Don’t Let Our Youth Slide Into Depravity and all donations are gratefully received.

Cope, playing his last game for the Citizens until he realizes that he really does like us more than the bigger boys and misses the stick waggling potential before every game, played up front and hassled the opposition to within an inch of his life.

On the left, James Blakely risked his pretty lil face by charging down free hit after free hit. He’s married and has a kid on the way so his wife is pretty much tied into the deal now. So the odd broken cheek bone is neither here or there if he has to take one for the team. He scored the only goal of the game for the Citz with a neat finish past the keeper.

The game was 2-1 at half time with the Citizen’s playing well but not quite finishing off the moves. In the end 3-1 was probably a fair result for a Citizen’s team who had their eyes on a nice couple of jugs. Of lager in the club bar after the game.

As the team reflect on a great season securing promotion for a second year running, an elite panel of ex-players, St Albans dignitaries and some old drunk who screams at buses on the Hatfield road came up with their list of Award winners for the Citizen’s version of the Oscars:

The Peter Sellers Award for Rink A Dink-ness and Continued Excellence On the Field goes to Richard Pink

<b>The Parental Filter Award For Internet Safety and Ladies Man of Hertfordshire Award</b> goes to the only man who can kill a goat in Pakistan by just thinking about it, Relton Heron
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<b>The Nicky Clarke/Fagan out of Oliver Award for all-round Captain Fantastic behaviour and an excellent cut and blow dry</b> goes to Brian ‘Levi’ Weston.
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The <b>Award for the Goal Keeper of the Year and the Only Man Not To Wash His Kit All Season sponsored by Shake n Vac</b> goes to Matt Bolton.
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<b>The Processed Meat, Double Figures Goal Scoring Award and Man Most Likely to Play A Pepperami in the Forthcoming Musical Extravaganza We’ll Meat Again</b> goes to James Blakely.
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The <b>Award for being the Best Looking, Kindest to Kittens, Uber-Intelligent, Dynamite in Bed, Progressive in His Views on Many Topics, Thoroughly Pleasant, God I’d Wish He Was My Wife/Husband/Girlfriend/Cleaner, Should be Knighted For His Services To the Disadvantaged, Cooker of a Mean Stew and All Round Bloody Great Bloke Award</b> goes to Jon Pikey Pike.
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<b>The Ginger Ninja Award</b> goes to Copes – the only man to sacrifice an S off the end of his name for the good of the team and people with a lisp.
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<b>The Special Award for End to End Runningness Like A Man Suffering from Diarrhoea and Not Knowing Which Toilet is Free</b> goes to Ben The Senior Smith.
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There is a collective award for the students from Herts Uni Twos who have helped us out this year and played their part in a successful season. It is the <b>Deal Or No Deal, Pound a Pint, Pull a Munter, Buy One Get One Free Dominos Pizza, You Got Off With My HouseMates Mum, I’ve Only Had 5 Months To Write A Dissertation And I Have 3 Hours To Write 7,500 Words, Fancy A Pot Noodle Trophy for Excellence</b>.
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The <b>Award for Most Improved Approach Play But Couldn’t Score At A Brothel With An Open Cheque Book</b> goes to Alex Garland. Who also wins the <b>Weight Watchers Slimmer of the Week</b> pretty much every week because his failure to score meant he didn’t get fed most Saturdays.
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Syd wins <b>John Terry Award for My Favourite Left Back</b> and two further awards. One for excellent defensive skills throughout the season and the <b>I’d Forget My A*sehole If It Wasn’t Sewn Into My Bum Award</b> for leaving his hockey stick somewhere on his travels.
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Dan The Man Reeves wins the <b>Tiger Woods Award for Having Two Mistresses – the Citz and the Fives – but knowing who he’d rather roger</b>.
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And talking of Rodger. Rodge wins the Award for the <b>Most Improved Dutchman and Best Yoda Impression</b>. He also wins a <b>Special Service Award from the Ministry of Funny Runs</b>, narrowly beating Richard Pink to this title.
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And for all the other fantastic people who helped us out over the season. You all get a <b>Victoria (Secrets) Cross</b> for valour in the face of such sweaty adversity. Much like a regular visitor to a sperm bank I know that you really don’t want your contributions to be recognized but Skipper Weston, himself a frequent visitor to the aforementioned depository, would like to thank you from the bottom of his Kosher heart.
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Romeo done.

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Training update

Mon	Ladies 1's and 1a's	7-9pm
Tue	Senior Club Training (Mens & Ladies),and all U16s -18s	7.00-9.00pm
Wed	Ladies 1's and 1a's	7-9pm
Thu	Mens 1's and 2's	7-9pm
Fri	Youth Girls	7-8:15pm
Sun	Mini's(U11's)	9-11am
Sun	U14 Boys	11am-12:30pm

Also, Men's 1's and 2's Fitness training at Next Generation, Hatfield. Tuesday Evening.

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